“Live each day as if it’s your last, that was the conventional advice, but really, who had the energy for that?” — David Nicholls
I’ve had a persistent thought for the last couple of days. It’s about the One Day series on Netflix. Previously I didn’t have any interest in watching it, but then, as you know, social media started hyping it up. It made me feel like I bit FOMO, haha, so I decided to watch it without even read the synopsis or any quotes, etc. I just watched it and finished it last weekend.
Turns out, it’s the series version of a film with the same title, One Day, from 2011, starring Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess. I had already watched it in 2014, if I’m not mistaken. That was 10 years ago, hahaha. I am feeling so old now.
Reflecting on the experience of watching the film in 2014, during my sophomore year of college, my life was considerably less complex. I was able to enjoy the movie and seamlessly return to my everyday routine, but now, when I watched it for the second time, I found it impossible to simply move on. I was compelled to express my thoughts. Please be aware. Spoilers may follow.
Synopsis
One Day is a serial adaptation of a novel by David Nicholls, revolving around a man and a woman who complete their studies at the University of Edinburgh on July 15, 1988. This latest version unfolds over 14 episodes, providing a more leisurely paced narrative of Emma and Dexter’s story.
The narrative tells the two individuals who decide to keep their relationship going for numerous years and often living miles apart. Their initial encounter on their graduation night leads to an unexpected one-night stand that gradually transforms into an enduring friendship filled with uncertainty until they eventually become a couple in their 30s. Events like victories, defeats, weddings, and divorces occur off-camera, some planned, others not. Over the next 20 years, the duo meet every July 15th, sharing aspirations, tears, and joy — until they find what they’ve been seeking. Each other.
Privilege Left at the Place
Conveying Emma’s dilemmas to her peers and associates, even in a modern city like London, would be significantly harder today. The challenges faced by a woman, particularly a woman of color, due to societal inequality and disadvantage, would be more severe. Dex’s inability to acknowledge his privileges, being a wealthy, white, upper-middle-class male, makes him appear unsympathetic. Emma’s sense of embarrassment and frustration due to her lack of social and financial support. It distance her from her friend and potential love interest.
Their informal relationship is so deeply entrenched in unconscious bias that Dex remains unaware, whereas Emma is conscious of her disadvantaged status from the beginning. Emma tends to be more careful than Dexter when considering getting closer to him. Their differing social standings place a significant strain on their relationship often forcing Emma to remind Dexter of his privilege and still, oblivious to the benefits he possesses, Dex remains unresponsive.
What Could Have Been
Emma, a determined woman, is committed to carving out a sustainable, independent life for herself. Her romantic life, in particular, proves to be a significant challenge.
In stark contrast, Dex, a man dealing with his own personal struggles and unhappiness, finds it hard to start a relationship with Emma because of his problems. He’s dealing with the sadness of losing his mom, a sadness that lasts for many years. Dex starts to drink more and more to deal with this. This along with his carefree life leads him to cause harm to himself and others around him.
During Dex’s period of grieving, Emma begins to feel sympathy for him yet she also despises his self-destructive tendencies. This leads them to separate until they meet again at a friend’s wedding in 1997. By then, Emma has broken up with Ian and Dex is engaged to Sylvie, who is expecting their child. The two eventually marry in 1999, an event not depicted on-screen. Emma spends her time writing a novel while Dex establishes a café.
Emma and Dex’s lives take many twists and turns and they can never be sure what could have happened differently. But the paths they didn’t take aren’t always better than where they ended up. They handle life’s challenges with hope and toughness. It’s hard for me to connect with Dex due to the intentional chaos he has created throughout his life. In the other side, I admire how Emma consistently stands by her values, even when facing many turbulent moments.
At times, I find myself questioning the fairness of this kind of relationship. A thought that remains even as I pen these words. It’s almost as if Dex’s feelings towards Emma are too platonic, devoid of the passion that she so rightly deserves. I can’t help but feel that Emma is deserving of so much more, of something better than what Dex can offer.
After all, we are only the observers from the outside looking in.
We can’t fully comprehend the depth of their emotions or the intricate dynamics of their relationship. It is their happiness that ultimately matters. They have always been true to their feelings, never pretending to feel something they don’t.
The Future Rose Up Ahead
Emma and Dexter’s deep, complex friendship evolved into a potential romance marked by shared experiences and mutual personal growth. Their journey, filled with laughter, shared glances, quiet moments, and arguments, paints a moving and intriguing picture of their relationship.
Now I slightly comprehend why.
This relationship is stretched and pressurized, part of it is entirely chaotic, and part of it is incredibly gentle and lovely. Emma and Dexter’s deep connection makes their experiences relatable. The addiction, partner’s separation, being parents, self-awareness, adjusting to adult life, to making sense of it all.
Witnessing the development and transformation of Emma and Dex’s relationship, as they discovered the significance of July 15th, was effortlessly beautiful.
Some relationships defy logic and cannot be rationalized. Sometimes, two individuals are destined to reconnect once time has had its impact. In other instances, they may not. When a bond is formed between two individuals, the past and future become irrelevant. Nevertheless, the present moment of any significant relationship, its substance, its vitality, its core essence, will persist in some form. It’s the slow-paced, authentic progression of two lives over twenty years, with changes that are neither drastic nor constant.
We are just feeling our way.
Home, 27 February 2024.
